The un-erectable Erector Set.

A few days ago, Marian brought home an erector set for my grandson who is seven years old. The nicely packaged and handsome set of plastic screws, nuts, wheels and one electric motor makes, or should make, five different kinds of trucks. Just follow instructions, pictures provided.

As you might expect. No way.

Let me say before I make myself look foolish that I have re-engineered and assembled at home for my self, my wife, and my children everything from gas cooking grills, to swing sets, doll houses, bicycles and even Ikea furniture (the only item in the list that is easy). You name it I've assembled it, albeit never without calling the manufacturer every possible curse word related to God, the after-life, mothers and dogs. But I usually prevailed through disregarding the non-instructive instructions.

So when my grandson asked me if I wanted to help I said sure, thinking that a toy sold for ages 5 - 8 as self assembly would be nothing but me holding something while the grandson built.

An hour into what was supposed to be a self-propelled dump truck I gave up. I didn't tell him that I had given up because what we had self propelled, and that's really all he cared about --if you held on to the loose pieces rattling off the dump truck part.

One question for the erector set manufacturer. Could I meet the five year old you tested this on?
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O Great Mystery

Happy Easter one and all!

More words and phrases men shouldn't use

A couple of years ago,  on these hallowed pages, I requested the American male population to refrain from using the word "Yum" or "Yummie." That request has been widely heralded and accepted amongst men across social and political lines.

Since then several more words have come to my attention.

Men should not use the following words:

• Adorable -- this one is borderline and in some cases could be acceptable. I said could. Around your wife or girl friend, maybe.
• Veggy -- first of all, it's a vegetable and that's not that difficult to say, and second, you don't need to be talking about something that doesn't matter to you.
• Share -- as in your feelings. Feelings are meant to be suppressed. That's what manhood is. Deal with it. Sharing is okay when referring to money spent on your grandchildren.
• Baby Bump -- this is to me the fingernails on the chalkboard phrase of the year. If you are using it stop, somebody's slipping estrogen into your cocoa puffs.

Also, it has come to my attention that men are attending "Gender Reveal"* parties where the sex of the expected child is announced in a cute, sharing kind of way in the presence of other couples and friends. Is there no end to the emasculation of this generation of men? Please stop.

That's all for now. Thank you.

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* New York Times. Gender Reveal Party
* The Ticket Podcast on same