The vegan bacon clip.

Okay, before everyone criticizes me for the childish, insensitive, and low form of humor in the video below, I just want to say that my son and his friends have been encouraging me to watch the television show, Parks and Recreation, which I have refused to do because I don't want to encourage that sort of thing.

Neverthless, I am posting the video in the hopes that he will see that I have made some concession to his interests.

I do not condone or endorse this kind of behavior.

Then again, I do like bacon.

The Ice Cream Issue, Summer, 2011

Ice cream and Jersey cow from Woodside Farm Creamery in Delaware

I say it every year, I'll say it again: I love ice cream, especially in the summer -- and if I could have a bowl of peach ice cream every night (or vanilla bean, or rocky road, or bing cherry, or butter almond) without gaining weight I would, but I can't so I don't.

This ice cream issue, I bring to your attention the Food and Wine Magazine article (via Yahoo) titled: "America's Best Ice Cream Cities." In the article Food and Wine highlights privately-owned ice cream parlors, creameries, and dairies around the country that make good ice cream.

If you travel and you like ice cream, America's Best Ice Cream is worth a look: Best Ice Cream. I was happy to see my home state get a mention, Hockessin, Delaware's, Woodside Farm Creamery. Just a few of the other cities mentioned: Scottsdale (Stephen), Denver (RJG), Minneapolis (Jake&Becca), New Orleans, and many more.

In Fort Worth, I still like Blue Bell and Braum's.

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I wish it would rain . . .

No one quite like David Ruffin and the Tempations by the way. At least for those of us who grew up in the Philly area in the '60's.

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It's Hot. Fans and Physics.

The air-conditioning was out at St. Mary's this morning. It was as hot as the place we attendees are trying to avoid. Thankfully, Mass was kept short out of deference to the elderly. Me.

Some of the ladies brought out hand fans and others made fans from the hand-out sheet of hymns and Scripture readings.

I thought of four-foot-two-but-tough-as-nails Sister Noreen, my first grade teacher from St Mary Magdalen, who said on one of those hot school days of May, "children, if you fan yourself the effort of fanning only makes you hotter."

So I never fan myself out of obedience to Sister N., now, some 50 years later.

But I was wondering during the lulls this morning when I should have been paying attention. Was she right? Does one get cooler hand-fanning? Or does the exertion of fanning increase the body temperature more than the cooling effect?

I don't know.

Anyone?

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Mistakes God Made

Let's face it. Mankind, and the earth he inhabits, needs some upgrades, and, technology being what it is today, I thought I could help the Great Technetes in the design flaws. These suggestions should not be taken as criticism, I mean, seven days is not much time to get the cosmos up and running and oversights were inevitable. That being said, here are a few corrections that could be considered after this beta-test is over . . .

1. Earlids. Eyelids give the eyes a rest. My ears need a rest once in a while, too. What would be so hard about adding an insulated in-set roll-up door on the ears. When things get too noisy or annoying, "boom," just like closing your eyes the world is shut out.

2. Mosquitos. I don't care what anyone says, they have no redeeming value. Big mistake.

3. Free will. Free will should be granted in a probationary-type way. The more considerate you are the more freedom you have. The will should be put in a state of dormancy from ages 13 - 21. Persons who drive forty miles per hour in the passing lane should have there free will withdrawn as punishment until they learn how to drive.

4. Female protruding breasts. Okay, getting a little personal here, but if they didn't protrude I wouldn't be tempted to look at them. Just sayin' . . .

5. Natural disasters could have natural warning systems.

6.  Old men should not be able to dress themselves. Dress black socks, bright white legs, and Bermuda shorts are a offense to all that is Good.

7. Talking needs a time limit. A voice activated timer could be set for say ten minutes. Anyone that talks longer than that without interruption could have their vocal cords disengage. Teacher's would have to pause and let someone ask a question, preachers would have limits on their sermonizing.

8. The male specie needs an embarrassment meter hard wired into the brain. If you are drinking too much and acting stupid the embarrassment meter would shut down all activity. This would especially helpful to politicians, sports celebrities, and other numb-nuts who take pictures of themselves and send them as text messages.

9. Speaking of which, the whole male-female thing needs to be reconsidered. Adam was lonely, You added a partner and look what happened. Not Your best decision. Maybe You could add a third sex to act as the arbitrator of disputes and interpreter of each others actions. Think about it.

10. Last but not least, everyone wants to live on the beach or in the mountains and most of us have to settle for the flatlands. Add more beach and more mountains next time.

Most respectfully submitted,

Me.

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