The Last Man-Room Standing . . .

I walked into a tobacco store today.

My purpose was to buy Stephen his favorite pipe tobacco, and Andrew and Brinton a nice cigar. The store is not in Fort Worth so its name and location will be withheld just in case they are doing something illegal -- which I hope they are.*

A tobacco store is a manly place. Lots of shelves with cigar boxes, tobacco, imported cigarettes, and all the paraphernalia that accompanies such products. No bric-a-brac, candles, and frilly things. Just wood shelving, glass cases, smoke products, and smoke.

As I was browsing, I thought that this may be the last store in America where I feel comfortable. And I don't smoke. But most everyone else was smoking: pipes, cigars, even cigarettes -- I had time-warped to 1950 -- and with every puff these patrons were testifying to their pleasure-filled disregard to the shouting other side.

Behind one counter a middle-aged man was selling fountain pens that he had made. Beautiful things they were. I tried one. We talked. I said, thank you. He said, anytime. A sales-man, a fountain pen, and a smoke filled room. I had stepped back into time and I did not want to leave.


At check out, the friendly girl who took my money was smoking a cigarette, and smiling, but not at me; at the fact, I assume, that she was a check out girl and smoking a cigarette. She took my payment and boxed my gifts, lit cigarette in hand, arm bent, fingers extended, like a movie star -- puffing on her cigarette. I could have kissed her.

I browsed a while longer and finally had to go, and as I stepped onto Walnut Street I saw a young man in tight black jeans and spiked black hair.

I was back.
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* Editors note: Some readers misconstrued the meaning here. I am not implying that the establishment personnel were smoking funny tobacco. I do not mean that kind of illegal, I mean the smoking inside a public building kind of illegal. Man, you guys must have a guilty conscience or something.photo by: trialsanderrors

Yucatan Taco. No lo entiendo.

Am I right in thinking that the Yucatan Peninsula is in Mexico?

Maybe the Yucatan Taco folks could take a little visit someday, because that is the poorest excuse for Mexican food I have had in a long time.

And it is expensive as well.

I ordered the ground sirloin taco. Three bucks. The only drier beef I had that week was at Dutch's hamburgers. The Yucatan taco meat was ground, and maybe it was sirloin, but it was as tasteless as cardboard. And the mound of lettuce in the middle of the taco, I guess that's to make it look pretty? And the sauce? Was that queso or yellow mayonaisse?

I also ordered guacamole with chips. I don't expect handmade quac but when you are charging $5 for a small dollop I expect better than the tube variety. It was god-awful. Seriously.

My wife had the nachos. It looked kind of cool -- if you like a mountain of chips and shredded lettuce, but it too was ladled with what appeared to be queso. About half way through the mound we gave up looking for anything worth eating.

Now, if Yucatan is just a bar that serves food as a side item. No problemo. Very cool place to drink a beer and hang out. But I think it is a restaurant and it is just bad food. And 3 bucks for a bad taco is just bad ridiculous.

Sorry. Not going back. For the food, anyway.

Starbucks' Clover Brewing System

A silver bullet for Starbucks, Inc?

My son spent a few days in Seattle and stayed just a block from the original Starbucks coffee shop. He visited Store 1 and tried a cup of coffee brewed from their new Clover brewing machines. His opinion: excellent and possibly the best cup of coffee he has ever had.

According to the store personnel Starbucks is testing the concept with 75 "Clovers" installed in the USA. I think, Starbucks hopes the "Clover" will help them recover some lost ground. And they need it.

Pikes Place is a bust, the stores are looking a little tired and out-of-date, McDonald's and Dunkin Donuts are pulling some customers away, and the economy is not helping.

If the Clover brewing system is as good as people say it is, a roll out could help. I say could, because Starbucks has to address this bigger image problem. They have to maintain the "coolness" that comes with drinking the coffee. Try that when you have 10,000 stores all needing to stay up to date.

My suggestions: appeal to your base like Apple did in the 90's. Clean up the menu, simplify ordering, make it a coffee shop again, not a JC Penney's that sells coffee, cut the daily cost of wi-fi, get rid of Pike's Place, improve and simplify the food, and rollout Clover.

Piece o' (coffee) cake . . .
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So the question is: do we have one of the 75 in the area?

Here's a video of the new Clover machine in operation.
http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/food/articles

Dutch's Hamburgers -- Stttrrrike two.

I went to Dutch's Hamburgers today. I had heard that my first impression of their hamburger was wrong, that Dutch's had a hamburger that could be ranked with the best: Tommy's, Kinkaid's, Freds.

Well sorry folks, but I'll stick with the first impression and here's way: a good hamburger is juicy and tasty. Dutch's is neither.

On this my second visit to Dutch's, I received what is supposed to be a premium hamburger ($6.00 with no cheese) and it was pre-cooked, dry and almost tasteless. Hey Dutch, they've got this new seasoning out, it's called salt.

I mean this sincerely -- I would rather eat a hamburger at McDonald's, Wendys, or Whataburger. I think they taste better.

Regular readers know that I rarely criticize restaurants, but I am criticizing Dutch's because they are charging a premium price and delivering poor quality and all they need to do to improve is to deliver a freshly cooked burger. Stop pre-cooking!

And by the way, screw the "great onion rings" talk. I go to a place like Dutch's for the hamburger, the side dishes are secondary.

My hamburger was bone dry. Period. End of debate. I'm not going back.

News Flash: Food & Fort Worth Now Using Blue Humor to Attract Younger Audience. FCC Investigating. Evidence Below: