Dutch's Hamburgers -- Stttrrrike two.

I went to Dutch's Hamburgers today. I had heard that my first impression of their hamburger was wrong, that Dutch's had a hamburger that could be ranked with the best: Tommy's, Kinkaid's, Freds.

Well sorry folks, but I'll stick with the first impression and here's way: a good hamburger is juicy and tasty. Dutch's is neither.

On this my second visit to Dutch's, I received what is supposed to be a premium hamburger ($6.00 with no cheese) and it was pre-cooked, dry and almost tasteless. Hey Dutch, they've got this new seasoning out, it's called salt.

I mean this sincerely -- I would rather eat a hamburger at McDonald's, Wendys, or Whataburger. I think they taste better.

Regular readers know that I rarely criticize restaurants, but I am criticizing Dutch's because they are charging a premium price and delivering poor quality and all they need to do to improve is to deliver a freshly cooked burger. Stop pre-cooking!

And by the way, screw the "great onion rings" talk. I go to a place like Dutch's for the hamburger, the side dishes are secondary.

My hamburger was bone dry. Period. End of debate. I'm not going back.

News Flash: Food & Fort Worth Now Using Blue Humor to Attract Younger Audience. FCC Investigating. Evidence Below:

Mayfest Cancelled?

Cartoon by Dave Granlund
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One could make a case that all times are considered strange by those living in them. But in my 56 years this year has to rank up there with the strangest.

GM and Chrysler going, or close to going, bankrupt.

Merrill Lynch, the very image of Wall Street investing -- gone, and now dragging buyer Bank of America with it.

Now this -- a possible flu epidemic closing Mayfest?

Wild and wacky it is, I tell you.
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How to Make Tomato Bruschetta Properly.

(And why I hate recipes . . .)

I love bruschetta. I was looking over a recipe yesterday, not to make bruschetta, but to see how they made it, and it hit me that most tomato based recipes for Italian food make one big mistake. They usually suggest using Roma tomatoes.

Here's my suggestion: Never use Roma tomatoes for anything. They have been so re-engineered that, at this point, they look good and taste terrible ( kind of like Episcopalians) ( okay that's a joke, don't send me nasty email).

Which then brought to mind the reason most (not all) recipes are unreliable. Because they make suggestions like the to one use Roma tomatoes; they equate cooking with alchemy, that is, if you mix certain ingredients and cook them a certain way, you can make gold out of lead. The opposite is true, get good ingredients, treat them right, and they are going to taste good. They'll love you back.

Anyway, if you want good bruschetta ,you need four ingredients definitely, and one optionally, all of which need to be fresh.

The following is not the recipe, but more importantly, the ingredients for the recipe:

1. Buy fresh tomatoes, preferably cherry because they are sweet. In the winter, buy quality, canned, diced tomatoes. Do not buy super market tomatoes from the produce department in the winter unless you are using them as display only.

2. Bread. Italian loaf preferably. It's chewy on the inside, the correct width, not tangy like sourdough, which I don't like for bruschetta, and toasts nicely. Most recipes suggest focaccio which, in my opinion, overwhelms the other flavors. The bread is the canvas not the painting.

3. Olive oil. Fresh. Virgin. If it has been sitting on your counter for six months it is not fresh.

4. Course-grain salt and fresh ground pepper.

5. Red onions. Optional, but I think they go nicely with the sweet tomatoes.

Here is their recipe, a good one, except I like the Italian loaf bread toasted both sides, lightly. And the bread cut about 1 - 1.5 inches thick. It should lightly crunch, but not like a crouton.

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views

Earth Humans . . .

Yes, you.

Please refrain from the following:

1. Any use of the phrase: "You go girl." As sympathetic as I am to the fairer sex and their desire for sororal identification -- this has got to stop. Any male use of the phrase will trigger immediate vaporization.

2. Physically uncoordinated white people should not give the high-five after every minor successful moment. You look stupid. Actually, the high-fiving needs to stop all together, but persons with no eye-hand coordination should have never started. By the way, persons of color stopped high-fiving in the 80's.

3. Please stop using cell phone text language in common speech. Someone called me a " b f f " the other day. I assumed any word abbreviation with an " f " must be a reference of the unrepeatable kind. Apparently not. Please stop anyway. At least to anyone over 50 years of age.

(Older humans, it means: "best friend forever.")

Thank you.

(Your suggestions gladly accepted)