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"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies." Aristotle, from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers
"Abraham ... was called a friend of God." The Epistle of St. James
St. Paul closes his letter to the Phillippians with the words, "And now, friends, farewell." He was writing from Rome while under house arrest, waiting for a trial as a Roman citizen after being arrested in Jerusalem for his troublesome preaching. He had become particularly close to these Philippian Christians to the point that they, when hearing of his imprisonment, had sent one of their own, Epaphroditus, to assist him and to bring him gifts. In this most heartfelt letter of thanks Paul mentions his friendship to Timothy and Epaphroditus and his appreciation for their assistance. The great Saint, an older man now, wrote with the affection reminiscent of Jesus' concern for the twelve disciples in His last words of instruction to them. He was writing to friends.
Jewish and Christian sacred scripture speak often of the word friend. Indeed, St. Paul uses the word eight times in this epistle. Abraham was called a friend of God as was Moses and David. The book of Wisdom states that he who attains wisdom wins the friendship of God. As mentioned above, Jesus told his twelve followers at the Last Supper discourse in what is arguably the most poignant moment in the Sacred story, that these men were "no longer servants but friends."
Friendship was esteemed in the other ancient cultures of Bible times. The Roman statesman Cicero wrote eloquently about friendship and considered no life worth living without friends, as did Greek philosopher Aristotle, who spoke of three types of friendship, the highest being friendship for its own sake. It should be noted that both men considered virtue a requirement for true friendship.
The English word "friend" has German origins, not Latin. Freund in old German meant to love or set free. We English speakers more readily relate the word friend to the Latin, amare, because of the commonly known words amigo, ami, and amici, the Spanish, French, and Italian, respectively, or even the Greek, phileo, from which we get the name for our city, Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. But for reasons unknown we adopted the German word for brotherly fidelity and charity, friend. The meaning is the same, in it’s highest form a friend is someone to whom we show and are shown charity, for its own sake, for its own enjoyment, that is, not for some ulterior end.
Maybe it's an obvious simplification, but it should be mentioned, I think, that friendship exists between we humans because God exists. When St. John says that God is love, he is declaring that God's very existence is a kind of friendship. And from this I conclude that man, created by God and in His likeness, is being most human and godly when he is being a friend. And indeed, that friendship is inseparable from our being human, it is in the "warp and woof," of our nature. And that we are not alone; that we are not solitary creatures scraping out an existence in never-ending "survival of the fittest" competition with other solitary creatures, but persons made in the image of his or her Creator, who by that very special place in creation wants and needs, friendship.
One of my favorite stories of friendship is the lifelong friendship between southerners and writers, Shelby Foote, author of the best-selling books, The Civil War Series, and novelist Walker Percy. The two became friends as children in Greenville, Mississippi and remained friends throughout their lives. I knew of Walker Percy through his novels and Shelby Foote through the PBS/Ken Burn's adaptation of his Civil War Series books.
Because of the recognition Foote had received for the television series, C-Span's, Brian Lamb conducted several long interviews with Mr. Foote, one of which related to the recent publication of a book of letters, The Correspondence of Shelby Foote & Walker Percy. The interview was essentially a discussion about the friendship of the two men, as seen particularly, through these published letters.
Not long into the conversation Mr. Lamb got around to Walker Percy's death and asked "Could anybody ever be a better friend of yours than Walker Percy? Foote replied, "Nobody was a better friend, and nobody will ever be a better friend than Walker Percy… he was a friend that could never be replaced.”
Later in the conversation Shelby Foote mentions that he had spent the last seven days of Walker's life at his home in Covington, Louisiana while Percy was in home-hospice. Mr. Lamb seemed a little surprised by this and asked Foote why he do such a thing. Foote paused a little and said, "well…that's just what friends do," which struck me as a simple but insightful statement about friendship. To watch this interview with Mr. Foote is to see in his expressions and to hear in his voice what Aristotle meant when he said that friends are a single soul dwelling in two bodies. I have watched it a dozen times.
Friendship is a gift in both its existence and in its loss. The loss of a loved one, the sadness and emptiness that accompanies the loss is a consequence of that friendship, and is reason to be thankful even in sadness, that is, that we were so fortunate to have such a friend, whether that friend be a brother or sister, husband or wife, or, as in the case of Mr. Foote, a childhood chum.
St. Thomas Aquinas put it most succinctly when he wrote,
"Among all worldly things there is nothing which seems worthy to be preferred to friendship… It is what brings with it the greatest delight, to such an extent that all that pleases is changed to weariness when friends are absent, and all difficult things are made easy and as nothing by love.”
My final thought is a personal one. I have had the double good fortune to have been raised in a good family and to have made good friends throughout life. The older one gets the more one realizes how good that good fortune is. In this year of the pandemic twice I met online with high school buddies even though it has been 50 years since we ran around and got in trouble together. I still meet for lunch with the men with whom I worked for 30 years years. We’re old now and repeat the same old stories and laugh at the same bad, off-color jokes. And, still, the more the politically correct soccer moms at the next table are offended by our school boy antics, the more we like it.
Which reminds me that maybe I should add a last thought from the wise, old Roman, Cicero. He said that one of the most difficult accomplishments in life is to keep a friend from childhood to old age. The natural changes in life, our conflicting interests, and each man’s own faults tend to keep him from a lifelong friendship. Here again, for the most part, thankfully, I have had good fortune.
Now, I’m near the end. It’s been a good life. Friendship made it very good.
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de Amicitia (On Friendship), Cicero Nicomachean Ethics, Books VIII, IX, Aristotle The Book of Job The Norton Book of Friendship, by Ronald A. Sharp (Editor), Eudora Welty (Editor) The Correspondence of Shelby Foote & Walker Percy, edited by Jay Tolson Epistle to the Phillipians. St. Paul The Silent Friendships of Men, by Roger Rosenblatt. Time Magazine
It has been the best new segment for sports radio, The Ticket (96.7FM / 1310AM) in the last couple of years. All thanks to the Covid, I guess, because this Bands of Your Life segment replaced the popular pre-Covid weekly segment, Best Act Coming to Town, which was shelved because, post-Covid, no acts are coming to town.
Bands of Your Life ranks with E-brake and Gay or Not Gay (now on the shelf) as far as my favorites. I have other favorites including Dan-Paul's Pig Pen, Why Today Doesn't Suck, and Marge the swim coach. I miss What's on Mike's Mind, and for that matter, I miss Mike.The Compound was the best radio in the last 25 years, in my opinion, right up there with Corby's interviews with Shaq. Filling sixteen hours daily of airtime for a sports radio station is no small task when there's no sports.
But back to this segment, The Bands of Your Life. Morning host Craig Miller pulled the idea from a website called Sosh(?) The idea is simple. Answer a list of questions about bands that have been a part of your life, and why. The only rule is that a band can only be used once. Besides the Ticket hosts going through the Bands of Your Life on air they've had local celebrities as well, Mike Doocy and Lisa Loeb, to name just two. It's all good radio, in my opinion. I've listened to most of the lists more than once on podcast. For the younger guys, like Gen-X Davy and to a lesser extent Danny, I didn't know many of the songs or even the bands. But the kind of music a person likes is still of interest to me.
August 2020 update:
Since first writing this three more Ticket hosts have presented their "Bands," Bob Sturm, Dan McDowell, and Julie Dobbs. All of them very interesting and worth listening to.
But to Dan I have to say: the BeeGees...? ...Whoa..
September 2020 update:
This week singer/songwriter Pat Green presented his "Bands of Your Life." I think it's my favorite so far, partly because I liked his selections and partly because of the stories he told along with his selections, including personal anecdotes of Willie Nelson and Jerry Jeff Walker. That was a great segment.
The Unticket has the complete list of questions, the podcasts of each person and their choices. Here: https://www.theunticket
Here are the questions:
Band that you hate?
Band that you think is overrated?
Band you think is underappreciated?
Band that you love?
Band you can listen to over and over again?
Band that made you fall in love with music?
Band that changed your life?
Band that surprised you?
Band that is your guilty pleasure?
Band that you should have seen by now?
Greatest band to see live?
Maybe I should add that in my answers to the first two questions there is a little bit of blog-rant which I will leave un-edited because this is an opinion piece and there's no sense equivocating when asked your opinion. Then again, no one asked my opinion.
But and nevertheless, in the spirit of Misters Doocy and Rhyner whose bands and songs I did know, here's my list. I'll start with the question found difficult by everyone. My choice will be criticized by many, but it's true...
1. The Band That I Hate is . . . the Rolling Stones. (in my head the headline is read in Ribby Paultz voice)
Hold on a minute Junior and fellow-Muses. Put the brick down. I recognize the talent. But their bit bugs me and has bugged me ever since I was thirteen and my father and I, sitting in the den, watched them perform Satisfaction on the Ed Sullivan show. Jagger's tongue thing annoys me, their tongue album cover grossed me out when I was around sixteen, and their involvement with the Hell's Angels at Altamont which turned violent and caused the death of a young black man iced the cake. I don't like them or their act. I'll grant that it's cool that they were influenced by Muscle Shoals and American soul and country music. Respectfully, I think Mr. Doocy is wrong about them, they are kind of a one-tracked band with a few exceptions, in the way that the Beatles weren't. The Beatles vision and scope was much broader. I'm just not into the Stones. Sorry.
According to the magazine Business Insider, The Eagles Greatest Hits is the #1 selling album of all time. If they sell that many albums and are so popular how can I say they are over-rated? I guess it's just too pop for me. And back in the day I thought, not counter-culture enough. I don't doubt the talent or the lyrics in songs like Desperado but they just generally wear me out. I'll light myself on fire if I'm stuck hearing Hotel California. In my view, the Eagles and other 70s bands are the beginning of the end of the Bob Dylan to the Beatles era of rock and roll. And if that's not enough to convince you they're over-rated, consider this drivel, The Greeks Don't Want No Freaks :
3. The Band That I Love Right Now: Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band.
Actually, it's the Ticket that got me listening more closely to Springsteen. Corby Davidson did a review of the movie, Dancing in the Street which is about a young Pakistani boy living in London whose life was changed by Bruce's music. My wife and I went to the movie and I was hooked. Before that I knew him for hits like Born in the USA. But I didn't appreciate him as a lyricist in the tradition of Dylan, Prine, Petty, Lennon and McCartney until recently. The Streets of Philadelphia written for the movie is a beautiful and haunting piece of music. His lyrics are authentic in the way of 60's music even though he's not a 60's guy. He's criticized for lyrics like Racing in the Streets because he's not really a racing guy, or a working class guy, or a guy without a place, but his songs are about the universal qualities of love, longing, and loss, and like every good lyricist he uses what he knows or what he has observed closely. A southerner writes about the south, a boy raised in the shadows of Philadelphia sees the world through a city.
As in the following tunes:
In somewhat of a contradiction to my last statement, Springsteen went Western in his last production. It shows his ability to change with his age and experience in life, and with his interests, much like Bob Dylan and Paul Simon did. In his latest album, Western Stars he departs the street lights of Philadelphia for the night lights of the big western skyand produces songs in the style of the Western Ballad.
4. I Love Music because of: The Temptations and Motown
When I was fourteen in 1966 the Beatles hadn't yet cracked (or should it be "written") the code of the emerging counter-culture rock music scene. For those of us living in the shadows of Philadelphia, music was Motown. And the Temptations were Motown's kings. Not far behind was Smokey, the Four Tops, Aretha, Marvin Gaye, and the Supremes. I saw the Temps live with five of my buddies when I was sixteen in Philadelphia. The Convention Hall was packed. There were six white boys. It was magic.
The album I wore out the most was probably The Temptations in a Mellow Mood. I never heard any of these songs on the radio and I don't know how well it did commercially but my buddies and I loved it. We tried to dance, sing, and perform like this but never quite got close.
Then the Beatles produced Rubber Soul, and a couple years later Sergeant Peppers, and in those short years the world changed right before our eyes and me with it. The White Album followed, and in my view, the beginning of the end of the good times. Despair was seeping into the music (Helter Skelter and Revolution No.9). But there's no doubt that the White Album took the young generation by storm. Nothing came close to its influence and popularity except possibly another Beatles album like Sergeant Peppers, Abbey Road, or Let It Be, all of which were produced in the late 60s early 70s. In 1969 the Beatles were at the top of the heap and no one was near them.
The following song has some nostalgic significance for me. One, I loved the song, but also, my religion teacher at the Catholic school was a bit of Marxist, and a lover of the 60's peace and love religion that bands like the Beatles were promulgating. Fr. Burns would explicate the meanings of contemporary songs to us boys and Blackbirds was one of his favorites. I think they canned him the following year.
6. The Band That I Listen to Over and Over? Crosby, Stills, Nash (and Young)
I had all the CSN and CSN plus albums. They brought something different, more melodic, to the music. And the lyrics expressed the thoughts of a generation. My buddies and I spent many a night with CSN music playing in the background of whatever it was we were doing. I still listen to them.
7. Band that you should have seen by now? Anita Baker
I love listening to Anita Baker but never saw her perform live. Her voice captivates me. Give me a Texas-summer Saturday night, about 9:00 after working in the yard, a cold six-pack of Miller Lite, a pack of Marlboro Lights, my porch swing, quiet, and a little Anita Baker playing in the background and all God's chillin' are happy. She can belt it out with the best of them including Diana, Whitney, and Aretha, but, to my ear she has something else, something maybe a little more human. Sexy. I don't know, but I like it, and her. And she's a performer, par excellence.
Band that is your guilty pleasure? Jason Mraz "I'm Yours"
I'm a sucker for the catchy, upbeat tune. This was popular and deservedly so. Would I go to a live show? No, but I've listened to this song hundred times on YouTube.
Greatest Band to See Live... Dave Matthews (Apologies to Mr. Wilonsky and Mr. Miller)
The fact is I never saw him live. I wanted to and I guess I could have but my wife isn't really interested. My daughter and sons attended Dave's concerts, more than once I should add, and I thought eventually they'd invite old dad to tag along. You know the guy that got them listening to music. Silly of me, I know. The truth is I wasn't invited because of their lingering thought that Frank the Tank would emerge from the person they knew as their father. They were right, of course. Still, in my mind, this is great 60's rock and roll interpreted 30 years later. I love it and would love to see him live.
The hell with Junior and Wilonsky. Hit play. Crank that baby up.
The Band I Would Go See if I Could Time Travel: the painter,Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
If I could time-travel and could choose a seat at any performance in history, I'd take Antonio Salieri's seat at the opening performance of The Marriage of Figaro (1786). Mozart was the greatest and still is the greatest composer of all time. Period. My view of him is not unlike Salieri's in the movie, Amadeus.
When I listen to the Overture to The Marriage of Figaro or the Contessa Perdonne, or the Lacrimosa from the Requiem I wonder if God Himself wrote this music. It is the sound of beauty. So thought Salieri (above) and Red (Morgan Freeman, below), the prisoner friend of Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption. He said as much while one of the world's most beautiful arias (Canzonetta Sull'aria) is played over the prison yard's loudspeakers:
I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away...
I can't make a list of music in my life without mentioning the man who was the soundtrack for my childhood, and our family. He was my father's favorite and the man my father loved to see live back in the day before I was around. In later years, Philadelphia radio aired a Sinatra station. 24 hours a day. I can remember walking into my father's room and he'd be half-snoozing, eyes closed in his Laz-y-Boy, and Sinatra singing lightly in the background.
I thought his music was old-fashioned and out of touch when I was a teenager. I love it now. Love it.
Just about everyone said that they had a hard time narrowing down their list and would add names of people they thought should be included even though that's kind of against the rules. Today, I was driving down the road thinking that I should have included X.
So, I'm going to do what everyone else did and add people that could have been included:
Luciano Pavarotti: in a league by himself. Saw the 3 Tenors at Dodger Stadium many years ago with a friend of mine. Truly a highlight of my life.
Tom Petty: Listen to him frequently.
Jackson Browne: Wish I had seen him live in Philly. (Thanks to Rhyner for getting me back into Petty and Browne)
Jimi Hendrix: All Along the Watchtower? Is there anything more representative of 60's rock?
Santana: Live at Woodstock greatness.
Tom Waits: Right up there with Dylan, Springsteen, Lennon, Prine, Petty
Beethoven: Is the Moonlight Sonata the most beautiful piece of music ever written?
Emmy Lou Harris: The best in her field and still as beautiful as ever, if it's allowable to still say things like that. I saw her live three times. Twice in Fort Worth, Texas at small venues. One in Dallas at SMU where she sang with Linda Ronstadt and Dolly Parton. All great.
I've included no country music, I guess because I didn't become a listener until I was over 40. My daughter got me listening to Lyle Lovett, Robert Earl Keen, Willie Nelson and a few others. Some guys I worked with introduced me to Merle Haggard, Jerry Jeff Walker and Joe Ely. I converted to Texas-country-music after a beer-soaked pilgrimage to Gruene Hall for a live performance from Joe Ely. Good times. Saw Jerry Jeff live but never Merle Haggard. His Kern River is in my top ten favorite songs all time.
