Monday, August 22, 2011

Knee pain and the Sky Mall Catalog

At some point, on my average coach-fare flight, after I have slept through every piece of reading material that I have, I will be desperate for something to distract me from my throbbing knee caps.

And, eventually, as happened on Sunday's flight, I'll reach for that rag of last resort: the Sky Mall Catalog.

And I will wonder, Who buys this stuff? To wit:

The inflatable Pillow Tie?

Rollerblades? bicycle? skateboard? Hell no --
I want the Orbit Wheels for my Trinity River Park workouts.
Here I am wondering, "I wonder if these things have brakes?"


Pink flamingos are too old fashioned for my yard.
The Yenti Big Foot Yard Ornament is more my style.

But what I really need is more hair. See the little red light at the top?
That means the i-Restore Hair Laser is restoring hair to my balding head.
Don't I look happy? I wonder what book I am reading?
"How to Recover from Cancer Caused by Infrared Light" maybe?

So there you have it. My Christmas wish-list straight from the American Airlines Sky Mall catalog. Front pocket of Seat 22D.


Lynn said...

If it's more hair you want, you are more than welcome to the stray eyebrows which are steadily migrating southward toward my chin.

C. Joy said...

You're right, nothing says "welcome to our place" like that Yenni Big Foot Yard Ornament.

Francis Shivone said...

C Joy -- very funny and a better comment than mine.

Lynn -- I am content with my balding "monk" cap for now, thank you. :)

John said...

Well, if that's the way you feel there's absolutely no way that I'll invite you to share my 2-person infrared sauna.