Monday, July 25, 2011

Mistakes God Made

Let's face it. Mankind, and the earth he inhabits, needs some upgrades, and, technology being what it is today, I thought I could help the Great Technetes in the design flaws. These suggestions should not be taken as criticism, I mean, seven days is not much time to get the cosmos up and running and oversights were inevitable. That being said, here are a few corrections that could be considered after this beta-test is over . . .

1. Earlids. Eyelids give the eyes a rest. My ears need a rest once in a while, too. What would be so hard about adding an insulated in-set roll-up door on the ears. When things get too noisy or annoying, "boom," just like closing your eyes the world is shut out.

2. Mosquitos. I don't care what anyone says, they have no redeeming value. Big mistake.

3. Free will. Free will should be granted in a probationary-type way. The more considerate you are the more freedom you have. The will should be put in a state of dormancy from ages 13 - 21. Persons who drive forty miles per hour in the passing lane should have there free will withdrawn as punishment until they learn how to drive.

4. Female protruding breasts. Okay, getting a little personal here, but if they didn't protrude I wouldn't be tempted to look at them. Just sayin' . . .

5. Natural disasters could have natural warning systems.

6.  Old men should not be able to dress themselves. Dress black socks, bright white legs, and Bermuda shorts are a offense to all that is Good.

7. Talking needs a time limit. A voice activated timer could be set for say ten minutes. Anyone that talks longer than that without interruption could have their vocal cords disengage. Teacher's would have to pause and let someone ask a question, preachers would have limits on their sermonizing.

8. The male specie needs an embarrassment meter hard wired into the brain. If you are drinking too much and acting stupid the embarrassment meter would shut down all activity. This would especially helpful to politicians, sports celebrities, and other numb-nuts who take pictures of themselves and send them as text messages.

9. Speaking of which, the whole male-female thing needs to be reconsidered. Adam was lonely, You added a partner and look what happened. Not Your best decision. Maybe You could add a third sex to act as the arbitrator of disputes and interpreter of each others actions. Think about it.

10. Last but not least, everyone wants to live on the beach or in the mountains and most of us have to settle for the flatlands. Add more beach and more mountains next time.

Most respectfully submitted,




Jenn said...

I whole heartedly agree on earlids. I think they should form just after one becomes a parent.
And mountains. Yes. Far more.

Francis Shivone said...

Thank you, Jennifer. Airlines would be much easier with them, too.

John said...

We hate most in others that which we fear in ourselves.

You put #4 in there just to tempt me. Think about how overt female sexuality is, how that lovely plumage is right out there in front - POW. Imagine now if men word conforming garments over their manhood so that size was no longer a matter of inference from the size of your car or your wallet.